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Some may consider Adam and Eve to be the first “arranged” marriage, although theoretically neither had other viable options. The point is that arranged marriages can be traced back historically to our earliest civilizations. One wonders when “love” entered the marriage equation so that people could choose who they would make love with and live with for the rest of their lives.

Today, most of us cannot even imagine having our spouse chosen for us, but it still happens in India, in traditional African societies, Muslim countries, royal families, the Amish, and other groups. In many cases, the couple does not meet until the day of the wedding. It’s like a one night stand that you can never escape. Oops! Fortunately, times are changing around the world. Many parents allow a small courtship period, and if one or both of the arranged couple do not want the marriage, it is called off.

We could argue for days about whether the woman or the man gets the worse lot in an arranged marriage. Both are essentially forced to get married and live with a virtual stranger, which can’t be easy for either of them. Of course, women in third world or developing countries are often not considered equal to men, so they are influenced regardless of culture and customs. But let’s not get into human rights issues. We’re here to talk about arranging your own marriage.

To do that, we need to see what is good about arranged marriages and take some pointers on finding a suitable marriage partner. Here part of the matchmaking process is valid and actually makes a lot of sense.

In Western society, men and women typically need a spark—some sort of emotional connection between the two—before a non-platonic relationship is even explored. In an arranged marriage, neither physical/sexual attraction nor personality play an important role for the parents. Again, whoops!

So now let’s assume you’ve met a potential spouse, you’ve been together for a few months and you think this could be THE ONE. Now let’s bring the criteria for arranged marriages into play. Think of it as Mom and Dad’s “E-Harmony” application. They are simply things that help ensure happiness, productivity, and a healthy family life. Now it’s time to leave the hot body and great sex behind. At least look for:

– Appropriate level of education

– Matching cultures

– Appropriate religions (or similar codes of ethics and values)

– Parenting potential (will he be a good father? She a good mother?)

– Does he/she come from a good family with a good reputation? (You can be millionaires with Dad in prison for a major white collar crime)

– How does he/she treat his/her parents?

– Does he/she have good manners? (That sounds insignificant, but you’d be amazed at its importance.)

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